The rules of networking

I went to a networking meeting last week hosted by a formal networking organisation called Business Network International.

Many of you know this group; it has meetings all over the world. This particular chapter meeting was in New York City, and is populated by sophisticated business people at the top of their game.

I went as a guest – without an agenda – just to meet people and provide value.

History: I began my networking career more than 25 years ago, so I consider myself a relatively sophisticated meeting attendee. This particular meeting is a pure networking group, rather than a social networking event.

The group predominantly meets to give business and get business. My interest was to meet new people, and observe how the meeting was run.

Before we get too deep into BNI and the NYC group, I’d like to review some networking imperatives in case you’re about to go to one of these meetings.

Note well: Most people take networking for granted and think of it more as a place to meet friends and clients, rather than capture an opportunity. They also fail to realise that people, whether you know them or not, are cultivating an impression of you – not just about you look like, but also based on how you act and how you dress.

Your physical presence, your physiology, and your communication prowess can determine whether the outcome is business or no business.

These are my top 9.5 rules for achieving positive and profitable networking results.

1) I shake and look. When I shake someone’s hand, it’s a firm grasp and a direct look in the eye.

2) I smile. Even in New York City. I found that by giving smile, I get a smile.

3) I ask before I tell. Whether I ask for their name, or a simple ‘how are you?’, I want to hear the other person before they hear me.

4) I give before I get. I have always tried to make connections for others before I ask for one myself.

5) I don’t make small talk. I make big talk. I don’t want to talk about the weather. I want to talk about life and business life.

6) I want to make certain that I take a next step if the opportunity is there. Anything from a simple exchange of business cards, to a cup of coffee, to an office meeting, to an invite to a social event, I want to make sure that my objective is achieved before I leave to talk to the next person.

7) Known or unknown? That is the question. I prefer to invest the majority of my networking time with people that I do not know. The reason is that I tend to make small talk with people that I know, and bigger talk with people that I don’t know. My personal rule has always been, small talk leads to small business or no business, and big talk leads to big business, or the opportunity for big business.

8) I like everyone and qualify no-one. If you like people, it’s likely they will like you back. If you try to qualify people (by asking them questions about money or circumstance), their guard will go up.

9) Every connection need not be a sale. Make friends, build rapport, and provide value to everyone without prejudging or qualifying them. I refer to it as ‘the rule of you never know’. And ‘you never know’ has no time limit. Sometimes it happens in a week, and sometimes it happens five years later. That’s why it’s called ‘you never know’.

9.5) I am brief. Time allocation at a networking event is not an option. If there are 60 people in the room and the meeting lasts for one hour, you have one minute per person if you want to meet everyone. If you take five minutes with each person, you can only meet 12 people. The choice is yours, but be aware of time.

I’ve just given you the parameters, the guidelines, and the rules that I have personally been following for 25 years. There are other rules and you can find them in my Little Black Book of Connections, but these are the major ones that will make connections, make appointments, build relationships, and ultimately make sales.

Next week I am going to talk about why the BNI meeting was incredible, and how you can learn from it. Stay tuned.

Jeffrey Gitomer is an American author, professional speaker and business trainer, who writes and lectures internationally on sales, customer loyalty and personal development.

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