The word is mightier than the sword.
ONCE our words leave our lips, their impact is felt immediately. Retracting the wrong words said in the wrong way may make no difference because the damage is done. It is said that people judge you by what you do, not by what you say. Most judge you by both.
To say the right words in the right way takes a focused effort, and more time. But you will be well rewarded in terms of developing and maintaining positive relationships.
Watch good communicators. People who are listened to when they talk; people who inspire others. They speak in a measured tone. They think before they speak and choose their words carefully. They avoid judgemental comments. They separate fact from opinion. They show that they have considered your world. They use precise language. They check out their assumptions. They maintain the dignity of the other person. They state their views firmly and with passion, but indicate that they are open to challenge. They seek the best argument not to win the argument. They are not dogmatic in expressing their views. They are open to changing their views in the light of new context, new information, new perspectives, new interpretations. They don't rush their words and they pause for effect.
You will hear effective communicators use expressions such as these.
- I'll be interested to know your reactions to what I have to say.
- This is the view that I have formed based on the information available to me. There may be things I don't know about that I will need to take into account.
- I am interested in your point of view.
- Let's put both sides of the argument factually and then look for the best argument. Is that fair?
- Before we proceed, let's check what assumptions we are making about the situation.
- Look. I don't know that I'm right, but this is what I think. Tell me if I've got it wrong.
- I don't expect you to agree with me, but I would like you to accept that this is how I see it.
- Your opinion is as valid as mine. Let's hear both.
- Look, this is a bit delicate to say, but I believe it needs to be said.
- I disagree with you, but you make a good point.
- How do you feel about what I've said to you?
- Tell me what you think I need to consider which you think that I haven't considered.
- I'll tell you what I am proposing and why. If you see any flaws in my thinking, let's discuss them.
- Let's explore all the points of view contributing to this situation.
- Let me explain what I see are the limitations in your thinking. I invite you to do the same with me.
- I have a strong view on this, but if you can show me other ways to look at this then I will be happy to change my point of view. I would like you to do the same. Is that fair?