Good men can make a difference

In February 2020, Brisbane mother Hannah Clarke and her three children were killed by Ms Clarke’s estranged husband.

In the car and about to head to school, they were doused in petrol and set alight. The perpetrator later died from self-inflicted stab wounds.

The murders shocked the nation.

Unfortunately, however, theirs was not an isolated case.

As reported by the federal government’s Australian Institute of Health and Welfare (AIHW), one woman (on average) was killed every 15 days by an intimate partner in the year that followed the Brisbane tragedy.

Although the numbers of intimate partner homicides have decreased during the past three decades, wave after wave of violence in more recent years has shown how poorly some men in this country treat women.

As a leader, I have found it dispiriting; as a woman I think it’s outrageous.

The reaction from others has been illuminating.

My female friends and colleagues are resolute that violence against women repeatedly demonstrates that true equality for females is still out of reach.

Other data speaks to this, too.

According to the AIHW website about one in four women (23 per cent) have experienced physical and/or sexual violence from an intimate partner since the age of 15. The same percentage have experienced emotional abuse, while 16 per cent have been subjected to economic abuse.

In the workplace, the Workplace for Gender Equality Agency latest round of reporting shows the gender pay gap in Australia is 21.7 per cent.

“For every one dollar on average a man makes, women earn seventy-eight cents. Over the course of a year, that difference adds up to $26,393,” the agency found.

These sources provide historic reporting going back over a decade or more and show gradual movement in the right direction, such as a narrowing of the gender pay gap from 28.6 per cent in 2015.

Despite progress having been made in some areas, however, overwhelmingly the data reveals the full extent of the inequity that still exists and the systemic social and cultural beliefs that need to shift.

It has left those of us who care bewildered and wondering what is going to provide the catalyst needed to alter perspectives and close the gap.

During my career I have been a confidante to many, with senior men having sought my counsel. From a range of sectors, these men have told me how they treat women as equals and give many examples. Often, I know their stories to be true. These interactions often end with the question ‘Am I a good man?’

Powerful men do not normally question their place in the world. Taught from an early age to ‘be a man’, they don’t show weakness. Vulnerability is rare. In asking this question they have looked within, and, at times have been troubled by what they have found.

Historical incidents once considered appropriate were discussed and justified. I share my war stories, too, of moments in decades gone by of similar incidents when I have felt unsafe, harassed, uncomfortable and degraded.

Their concern is palpable when we return to discuss the current wave of violence, because good men do not behave like that.

In response, I rattle off story after story of current accounts from women in my networks who have suffered at the hands of men who are not good. Men who have bullied, belittled, intimidated, and assaulted. These words from my mouth they know to be true because of my frank and fearless reputation. These accounts stop good men in their tracks.

‘You can’t handle the truth’, springs to my mind as the reality of being a woman sinks in.

Good men know bad men because they are everywhere: in families and friendship groups, in workplaces, sporting clubs, community groups, and in our neighbourhoods.

Any woman who has tried to hold a bad man to account will tell you how exhausting it is. It takes time, money, resilience, and persistence. In cases I know of, it has resulted in good women losing their jobs because of bad men.

Given that the majority of the powerbase of this state and country still reside in the hands of men – good men – it is time to hold bad men to account.

• Marion Fulker is an adjunct associate professor at UWA